To put it simply different problems call for different solutions. So when it comes to tips for parenting the defiant child ordinary discipline techniques will not work. The primary difference between defiance and disobedience is the overall reason behind this. Sometimes what should be relatively obvious just becomes a problem, when it comes to some children obvious is not always an option.
Disobeying children have a number of different reasons for their behavior. Defiant children only have one reason and one reason alone. The general rule considering defiance is that defiant children always target their focus on undermining your authority, usually at all costs. They are not learning their boundaries or testing you. They are challenging your authority out right. This is the reason and the goal.
This can be one of the many reasons behind knowing why your children misbehave, as being so important. It is so helpful in finding a solution to your concerns involving misbehavior and discipline. When it comes to your child you should never assume you know the reason why your child misbehaves.
Always go the extra mile or step in this case, to ascertain and fully understand the real reason behind the misbehavior. This becomes especially important before you apply any discipline. It is not uncommon that defiant children have serious internal problems causing their behavior.
Things like anxiety, depression, learning disability, esteem issues, or just hurting inside from lack of attention. Children are commonly afflicted with these emotional experiences and lack the ability to handle them. They also lack the understanding to explain or express these feelings making them difficult to interpret. Finding all this out is not always easy either.
This can present a problem due to the importance of disciplining your child right away. Immediately after the misbehavior so as to make the connection to that given behavior as strong as possible. Parenting a defiant child can test us, sometimes to the maximum of our breaking point. The key is to depersonalize it completely. Remain Firmly Objective. This will be your best chance at changing misguided behavior.
The defiant child uses personal attacks as leverage. So if you take that leverage away he or she has none to work with. This can be your one foothold to get into your childs behavioral way of thinking and do what you are able to reverse it.
These tips are what helped so many parents caught in the exact same predicament.
1. Always reassure them of your unconditional love and support. Verbalize it and show it. Children who do not feel accepted by their parents will be a lot less likely to follow the example the parents set. Nor will they internalize any of your lessons regarding how you feel they should behave.
2. Always remain calm especially when it is the most difficult. In the end you figure out a lot more about what is going on without becoming a part of it.
3. Ask your defiant of disobedient child to name some of the better choices, or options that would have had a more positive outcome. Always induce and support verbalizing and naming feelings out loud first before you act on them.
4. Make a habit of Suspending your judgement. Practice this regularly and listen with patience. Also try not to jump straight to the worst case scenario.
5. Finding a good system of quality disciplinary solutions which have worked for others in similar situations. This route may help prevent unnecessary medical treatment and should always be used first. Exercise the recommended advice with patience and common sense all while keeping in mind you get out of it what you put into it. You know your child best and your situation is unique.
6. After all options have been exhausted seek professional care starting with a Psychologist first before you go to a Psychiatrist. The difference between the two for those who do not already know is that a Psychologist does not prescribe or treat with medications, while a Psychiatrist (usually a lot more expensive) treats patients using neurological medications. A psychologist also determines if there is need for and would recommend the Psychiatrist.
There are many more tips for parenting the defiant child that do not fit into this article. But hopefully the differences between defiance and disobedience have been made at least a little more clear. Defiance is a whole separate issue which may require looking into by a doctor. However, information is power and it may prove unnecessary.