Keeping a child from knowing and bonding with his non-custodial parent and grandparents is child abuse. Children should not be denied access to unconditional love. Researchers state that a child is most often alienated from his or her paternal grandparents.
Paternal grandparents give balance in grandchildren’s lives that no one else can copy. Studies have shown that multi-generational contact between children and both sets of their grandparents provides a special unconditional love and nurturing which is healthy for children. The attachment is very strong, and contributes to our grandchildren’s sense of self. This relationship is either nurtured or destroyed by the child’s parent.
The custodial parent is usually the mother, but not always, and it’s typically the custodial parent who engages in parental alienation. However, there are men who also engage in parental alienation. Original research found women to be the perpetrators of this abusive behavior in 90% of reported cases. Recent research indicates both genders equally engage in parental alienation. The exact figures are fuzzy because of under-reporting, false accusations and the positive bias toward mothers that’s rampant in most family courts.
Parents who have no compunction about using their kids to hurt you, their ex, their parents, etc. seem to fit the profile of the emotionally abusive Cluster B personality disorders (narcopaths, sociopaths & malignant narcissists fit into this category of anti-social personality disorders). They will play the professional victim, even as they are emotionally bullying you – anyone who confronts, challenges or criticizes them. They don’t recognize appropriate boundaries, will not accept personal responsibility for their actions-in fact, they blame you for the horrible things they do and always have an excuse to justify their indefensible behaviors.
Alienation is About Power & Control
The destruction of a child’s relationship with one or more of his grandparents begins with the undermining daughter-in-law, daughter, son-in-law, or son, whomever is the custodial parent.
Vindictive parents alienate their children from their parents, grandparents, and any other family member to punish and inflict pain on those who do not cow-tow to her/his whims and manipulation, and refuse to respond to her/his demands.
Individuals who alienate their children from others in the child’s family are like the mean kids in high school who demand that their friends be angry with whomever they’re angry with, and hate whomever they hate. She’s mad at you, or doesn’t like you, so, therefore, your child must do the same.
This parent requires, implicitly or explicitly, that her children feel and act the same way she or he does. The parent who engages in alienation tactics enlists your children to take on his or her battle against you. This is not the act of a responsible, mature adult, much less a responsible, loving parent. This is a bullying behavior called mobbing.
Bullying, Mobbing and Parental Alienation
A narcopath is a bully, and is in all likelihood a serial family bully. Narcopaths (narcissistic sociopaths) use bullying to control those around her. When the narcopath (alienating parent) doesn’t get her way, or you refuse to allow her to control you, she will enlist her flying monkeys to attack your credibility to protect her. She will manipulate her children and other family members into aiding and abetting her attacks on you. They live with her, and through conditioning, know what happens if you disagree with her or stand up to her, even when she is wrong. The narcopath has conditioned her family through bully tactics, to go into attack mode against anyone who dares speak the truth. They know that keeping silent when she is under threat of exposure will enrage her, and they will avoid her abusive behavior at all costs.
Mobbing is usually written about in the context of workplace bullying, but that’s a limited use of the concept. It can occur in any kind of system, including a family system. Mobbing is the impassioned psychological harassment of one person by a group. The attack is usually instigated and led by one or two people who are typically in a position of authority. The New York Times describes it as “group victimization of a single target” with the goal of demeaning, discrediting, alienating, excluding, humiliating and isolating the targeted person.
Mobbing ringleaders are bullies who try to dominate and control others in most situations and relationships. They have “a penchant for deflecting their inadequacies” away from themselves and projecting it on others. They’re generally angry, unpredictable, critical, jealous and manipulative Fueled by jealousy, ringleaders seek to disrupt the family structure and create chaos. With people divided and with their emotions distorted, it is much easier to control and manipulate.
Those around her know that they either agree with the narcopath bully or suffer the consequences, which in my case, is alienation from my grandson, alienated from my son, and the target of an evil smear campaign. Her attitude toward family is “Do as I say, or you will not be included in our lives,” and based on my experience and knowledge in this area, her family has first-hand experience being on the receiving end of this threat.
The emotionally abusive bully who engages in mobbing (or parental alienation) revels in the excitement produced by their animosity. It produces a pleasurable buzz or rush in them. Sound familiar?